On Dec. 15, 2008, Seth and I got a HUGE surprise. Baby Nick #2 was coming in August!
We were shocked, since I actually got a negative blood test on Dec. 10. I was getting x-rays and they wanted to make sure I wasn’t pregnant. So you can imagine our surprise when I took 3 pregnancy tests on Dec. 15 all coming out positive.
It took us a few days to really get excited, but honestly, it was just a few days and Seth and I were all on-board and already so in love with our second child. We started making lots of changes in the house to prepare for our new little one since Seth had some time off during Christmas.
This pregnancy was so different then when I was pregnant with Abel. I felt great and then about 2 weeks ago, I started getting some nausea and becoming so tired, but still it was so much better than I was with Abel. So of course, I started to worry…”like is everything ok, b/c I feel so different?” But my midwife told me every pregnancy is so different so you can’t compare.
My midwife wanted me to get my HCG levels tested right away since I got the neg. blood test reading. I had to go back a lot to get my levels checked, but the nurse kept telling me that everything should be fine, they were just be super cautious since my HCG levels weren’t rising has high as they should be, but they still were falling in the normal range. I really wasn’t too concern since I checked online about the normal range for HCG levels and mine were falling somewhere in the normal range.
Then yesterday morning my nurse called and said she wanted me to get a sonogram just to make sure everything was ok. I was slightly worried, but thought, at least I get to see my little bean.
The sono was suppose to be at 4pm, but b/c I was added in late to the schedule I had to wait for ever. Then I finally got called back and it wasn’t like a normal sonogram. It was cold and quiet. At first she did the one of my stomach and I briefly got to see the screen. I saw my tiny bean on there, but the tech. wouldn’t say a word. Then she did a vaginal sonogram and wouldn’t let me look at the screen. She started acting different and I knew something was wrong.
She told me my doctor would call me. I had to wait what seemed like forever and then she came out to the waiting room and told me that my doctor was coming over from Labor and Delivery to talk to me. I knew that wasn’t a good sign that he wanted to see me in person. He was leaving Labor & Delivery to come talk to me.
He showed up and I could see it on his face. They put us in some small room that was more like a closet and he started out by saying “You probably have figure out that it is bad news?” My heart dropped. Then he went on to say that there was no heartbeat. My baby should be measuring at 9 weeks, but he/she was only measuring at 7 weeks. He said even by 7 weeks there should be a heartbeat.
I was in shocked and just started crying. He tried to comfort me and told me it was nothing I did. He told me that there is no explanation why this happens. I know all this, but I just wanted to hear him say, my baby will be ok and I knew I wasn’t going to hear that.
I also believe in miracles and that doctors can make a mistake. Of course, I would love for this baby to be a miracle baby and when I go back in they find a heartbeat. But I know God is in control. I am not rushing into getting a D&C and trusting God will let me miscarry on my own if that is His will. I would ask that you would pray for us during this time.
I have cried non-stop since I found out. This is so hard! So hard to think I will never be able to hold and kiss my sweet #2 until I get to heaven. I know that if God really has taken this little one from us, that he/she is resting in His arms.
From the moment I found out about this baby the Lord kept bring this verse to my mind, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.” He gave us this little one and He can surely can take he/she away.
We appreciate all the prayers, love, emails and phone calls we have received. Sorry if I don’t response right away. I am having a hard time talking about it. I just need some time.
I will keep you posted.
